Hiring an Estate Manager from British American Household Staffing

Looking to set up your residence with the right domestic staff? Start by hiring an Estate Manager.

Benefits of Hiring an Estate Manager

Are you upgrading your home? Relocating? Restructuring? Here are some simple guidelines to help you see that your residence runs as smoothly as possible. 

Running a home is like setting up a small business. The same structure, hiring, and operational complexities are involved when it comes to domestic staffing. As a business needs its CEO, the first thing your household needs is the Estate Manager.

The right one will depend on the size of your home and the number of homes you need managed. An Estate Manager works on setting up a solid daily structure for your home and also implements hiring practices for all other staff. The Estate Manager will assess your staffing needs and desires, outlining the positions you need filled, such as Nannies, Housekeepers, Chefs, House Managers, personal assistants, etc. The manager will know how to screen and hire the ideal staff for the schedule and size of the home. 

The Process of Staffing Your Home

The best Executive Housekeepers tend to work eight hour days, five days a week and slot in with each other. To attract the best Housekeepers, you want to pay market rate or above and ensure you hire Housekeepers on a live-out schedule, as those are the best candidates (good candidates have more options and will choose the job position that appeals to them the most). Market rate for a good Executive Housekeeper is $35 an hour, eight hours a day, and health insurance after three months of employment. 

The Estate Manager will understand how to structure your home with the ideal schedules and number of Housekeepers, so the cleaning is done correctly and all shifts are covered. An Estate Manager will use a top-tier domestic staffing agency to send the best candidates. They will understand how to screen several Housekeepers, ensuring they work well together and understand how to manage laundry, organizing, serving, art and antique care, and deep cleaning.

Once the Housekeepers are set up, if needed, the Estate Managers will work on childcare.  This is a more complex hire, as the parents are usually more heavily involved. Career Nannies have experience working in larger residences. They understand childhood development and will ensure the right Nannies are hired for the principal’s needs, ranging from specific language proficiency, special needs experience, twin experience, infant expertise, or school age and tutoring experience. 

Nannies are hired with expertise in the age group of the children in the home. These Nannies will commonly have experience working with families who fly privately and often last minute, so organizing the children and packing correctly is something these Nannies do well. 

Yacht travel experience is also something career Nannies will have experience with. They are expert swimmers and understand how to act and dress appropriately on a yacht. They are able to manage children safely on the water and help with sleep schedule issues that typically occur when traveling across time zones.

The best Nannies are found by appealing to their desired schedules and salaries. The ideal setup is live-out during the regular week and live-in while traveling. Depending on the number of children, the ideal Nanny arrangement is one career Nanny, Monday through Friday, 8am to 6pm, one Nanny-Housekeeper from 7am to 3pm, and another career Nanny to work on weekends, if needed.

It is best to pay a weekend Nanny very well, as good Nannies don’t like giving up their weekends. However, the weekend schedule could be ideal for a Nanny working as a teacher or completing her PhD or Master’s degree.

A full-time career Nanny salary ranges from $80,000 to $150,000 a year, depending on their experience and skill-set. A French speaking career Nanny is always heavily in demand, so offering them a competitive salary and schedule is the wisest approach. Sometimes an evening backup babysitter is a good option to slot in, as well. An Estate Manager will understand how to hire the ideal Nannies, specific to the family and children’s needs. 

Hiring culinary staff can also be challenging, but, as with Nannies, the Estate Manager will hire Chefs who specialize in the dietary needs of the family, such as Paleo, Vegan, low calorie, pure foods, French, Italian, Austrian, etc. The Estate Manager will hire the Chefs once they have done a trial tasting for the family, ensuring the food is top-notch, and will also see that the Chef is flexible and easy to work with. This goes for not only Chefs, but all staff types. A good Estate Manager will always take soft skills, such as personality and demeanor, into consideration upon hiring. Many homes are unhappy homes due to one or two difficult personalities on staff. The Estate Manager ensures this doesn’t happen. 

After setting up the home with the correct staff, the Estate Manager will do the same for other residences you may own. The Estate Manager will oversee current staff, deal with any gripes, and fire and rehire as necessary. It is important you listen to the Estate Manager because he or she will be able to identify problematic staff members or subtle inefficiencies that you would otherwise miss. The Estate Manager will have an open dialogue with all the domestic staff and know where the issues lie.

Lastly, the Estate Manager will hire a House Manager for the larger residence(s) to oversee schedules and daily issues concerning vendors, parties, Housekeepers, Nannies, and all other daily staff. The House Manager’s job is to report back to the Estate Manager, who will ensure the problems are solved. The Estate Manager then oversees all homes, the payroll, legal issues and financial concerns outside of the family office and accountants. He or she will create, implement, and continuously update processes and operations. The household manuals for each home will be in place and updated accordingly. The Estate Manager also manages private planes, yachts, and car collections to ensure all these are up to date, safe, and well maintained. 

Begin Your Search to Hire a Quality Estate Manager

If you want a smooth-running home, start by hiring a top-quality Estate Manager, as this set up will ensure you don’t feel or hear of any problems. The secret to a happy home is having the right person in the Estate Manager seat to oversee hiring, training, implementation of processes, and legal compliance. Estate Manager salaries range from $150,000 to 400,000 a year.

If you want to hire the best domestic staff, contact British American Household Staffing. We can fix any issues and begin optimizing your home management.

5 Special Events to Celebrate on a Superyacht

By Alexander Coles for A Luxury Travel Blog

Everyone’s looking for a way to make their special occasion that little bit more special. After all, while weddings in vineyards and honeymoons in a Maldives bungalow are undeniably gorgeous, they have been done rather a lot.

You want something different. We get it.

Whether you’re planning a wedding or a honeymoon, a loved one’s birthday party or a milestone anniversary, you’re looking for an experience that is entirely unlike any other special event you’ve been a part of—one that you’ll remember with a thrill for the rest of your life.

In order to create an extraordinary special event, there are seven golden rules to finding the perfect venue.

1. An event venue that’s staggeringly gorgeous, and wildly out of the ordinary.
2. Superb staff ensuring every last detail is perfect.
3. Gourmet cuisine prepared by a private, highly-trained chef
4. A location backdrop that inspires wonder…and exceptional event photography.
5. Indoor and outdoor space.
6. Luxurious accommodation onsite.

Above all, the greatest events offer privacy and exclusivity to the group—a sense that what you’re doing is somehow separate from the world, a day almost outside real life.

Which is why superyachts are the ultimate event venue for special occasions.

Here are five lifetime events that are perfect to host on a luxury yacht charter, with some practical information to assist in your decision-making.

1. White wedding, blue sea

‘I got married on a superyacht’. Now that’s something you don’t hear every day. And now it’s in your head, don’t you want to be the one to say it?

There are so many good reasons to marry on a yacht, beginning with the spectacular venue, with glamorous deck spaces for the ceremony, or an opulent interior if you’d prefer to say your vows surrounded by a décor of marble and gold. When it comes time to party, the reception can spill over the decks, with music playing, guests dancing in the moonlight, and (no doubt) a few guests jumping in the sundeck Jacuzzi as the night wears on!

The yacht’s luxurious staterooms provide for up to 12 people, meaning your bridal party and loved ones have stunning accommodations right onsite. As for the backdrop, you’re only limited by your imagination. Imagine getting married on the Amalfi Coast or the in tropical islands of the Caribbean, where the incredible views of yacht and sky and sea make for truly breathtaking wedding photography. The imagery of a white wedding dress against blue sea is a visual match made in heaven, and the yacht provides the perfect location shoot for unforgettable images—from the bridal party posing on the foredeck to the happy couple jumping on the bed in the master suite.

The yacht’s professional crew are another superb reason to get married onboard a yacht. Superyacht crew aren’t the typical hotel or venue staff, who are often transient or temp staff, and are sometimes uninterested or poorly trained. Instead, crew have spent their yachting careers looking after ultra-high net worth individuals, from celebrities and princes to oil magnates and Swiss bankers. They’re also accustomed to entertaining onboard, with event charters during high-profile events like the Cannes Film Festival and the Monaco Grand Prix. In short, it’s not their first rodeo, and yacht crew will handle your special day with consummate style and professionalism, and liaise carefully with any florists, celebrants, wedding planners etc.

As for the chef, they’ve been cooking for these same elite guests, and are accustomed to preparing fine dining cuisine across many cuisines and dietary requirements. You’ll have control over the menu, and if your wedding is large and requires outside catering, the chef is on hand to assist.

Even more blissful, when it’s time for the honeymoon, the guests just depart and you float away…

The logistics

Most (but by no means all) charter yachts have passenger licenses of 12 guests if the yacht leaves the dock and heads out to sea. This means you can either have an intimate wedding at anchor and return to port for the party, or alternatively you may wish to host your wedding ceremony in a glamorous marina, such as Monte Carlo so that more people can attend the ceremony. There are some yachts the are classified as passenger vessels and do not have the 12 guest limit, which are very in demand. Also look into the legal regulations in the country you’re marrying in: for instance, if you’d like to get married on a yacht in romantic Santorini, you’ll need to arrive in Greece a week before. A reputable yacht broker will have experience planning events, so rely on their expertise.

2. Enter honeymoon heaven

Can you imagine a better way to start married life than drifting through paradise on a superyacht?

Watch land fall out of sight and enter your own private bliss of swimming off the yacht and dining by candlelight, having luxury beach picnics on coral atolls and spending happy afternoons strolling through exotic ports. Each meal cooked by the yacht’s private chef, each morning waking to a perfect new view out the large windows of the master suite, each night relaxing in the Jacuzzi with a glass of champagne, looking up at the stars.

Your captain and crew will always be on hand to wait on your hand and foot, but also give you the privacy you want on your honeymoon- to laugh and play and plan your lives together.

Unlike spending your honeymoon in hotels or villas, you won’t have to spend time in traffic or changing hotels to move around from one gorgeous beach or island to another- the yacht takes you where you want to go.

The logistics

Logistics? There simply aren’t any. You just arrive, the crew unpack your luggage, and you don’t have to lift a finger for the entire time. But unlike a cruise ship, you have total control over what you do, and eat, and see. If you crave adventure, the captain will organise night dives and jungle trips and white water rafting. If you just want to relax, the captain will organise masseuses to the yacht and a succession of secluded anchorages, each more beautiful than the last. One useful tip though is to fill out the preference sheet from your broker, so that the crew have an idea ahead of time what you like to eat and drink and do, as well as little details like what kind of music you like so they can create the perfect yacht playlist.

3. Babymoon bliss

The babymoon concept has become wildly popular in recent years, and little wonder: this is the last time a couple gets to relax and be pampered as a couple without children. No matter how excited you are about the arrival of your new baby, a trip for the two of you on a yacht is a heavenly moment captured in time that you’ll look back on for many years to come. (Particularly when you’re up all night with a screaming baby and remember how soft the bed on the yacht was…)

Spend a week having long lie-ins, exploring exotic places, snorkelling crystal clear waters, and reading books on a deckchair, surrounded by the sparkling sea. And while you probably won’t want to leave, another great thing about having a babymoon onboard is that you’ll realise just how perfect luxury yacht charters are for family vacations, so you can return when you have children.

The logistics

Just like any babymoon planning, you’ll want to choose a destination where you’ll be doing your cruising close to land, ensure there’s a good hospital nearby, and get good insurance. Some tropical yachting destinations currently have the Zika virus, so talk to your yacht broker about popular alternative babymoon destinations such as the Seychelles, the Amalfi Coast, the French Riviera, Sardinia, or Croatia.

4. Milestone anniversary, making new memories

A yacht charter for a wedding anniversary is an idyllic way to reconnect and create new memories.

The two of you might want a relaxing holiday away from the cares of normal life, or perhaps you want to explore your shared interests, maybe with an art-lover’s yacht charter down the French Riviera or a gourmet food and wine charter along Italy’s Cinque Terre to Tuscany.

If you’re a lover of grand romantic gestures, the yacht can easily organise your stateroom to be filled with roses, a romantic picnic on a sandbank in the middle of the sea, or even a ceremony to renew your vows.

Whether you want it to be just the two of you or bring the children for a special family event, it’s hard to beat a yachting holiday as a way to mark your time together.

The logistics

Again, there really aren’t any. Just remember, the more information you give your broker, the more prepared the yacht’s crew will be to deliver an anniversary that the two of you will treasure forever.

5. A party to remember

Whether it’s your husband’s 50th birthday party in Monte Carlo or your 8 year old’s pirate-themed party in the BVIs, a luxury charter yacht makes an incredible venue for a celebration. It will certainly not be one they forget, as friends and family drink cocktails on the sundeck, or you watch your kids chase the crew around the yacht on a Caribbean treasure hunt and dive-bombing into the water.

Your yacht crew will have experience throwing glittering parties on the yacht, so just talk to your broker and to the crew about what you want, and they’ll co-ordinate with any organisers, decorators, or caterers to ensure the event exceeds your expectations.

The logistics

As we explained in the wedding section above, most superyachts have passenger restrictions of only 12 guests, but these only apply when the yacht has left the dock, so most big yacht parties tend to happen in famous marinas, such as Cannes or Saint Tropez. Having the party in port (as happens during the Cannes Film Festival for example) means that you can have a much bigger guest list, so speak to your broker about numbers and planning. Of course, if you’re hosting a child’s party or more intimate celebration, a 12 person limit for cruising offshore may be perfect for your needs.

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Start planning your superyacht event with British American Yachts.

Hurricane Prep: How Safety Features Can Improve Your Property Value

By Jennifer Nelson for Corcoran

With 2017 stacking up as one of the priciest hurricane seasons in Florida history, it’s become even more important to invest in ways to protect your home—and maintain its value.

“Investing in home storm safety features now will pay dividends later when a storm is imminent—in terms of both preventing damage to your home and its resale value,” says Geoff Darnell, sales associate at Corcoran, who has lived and worked in Palm Beach since the 80s.

Here are his recommendations for safety features that offer a return on investment (ROI) for safety and value:

Storm Impact Windows

Storm impact windows not only can withstand the force of a storm, they can reduce how much you spend to cool your home—offering excellent ROI if you’ll be selling in the future.

“Hurricane impact windows are one of the best investments a coastal community property owner can make,” Darnell says. “Modern storm windows add value along with safety, peace of mind, energy savings, noise reduction and reduced insurance cost.”

Hurricane Shutters

Storm shutters cost just a fraction of the price of impact windows and also add safety and value. If your shutters are old, rusted or out of date, they will detract from your home’s appearance and may not withstand fierce hurricane winds. 

Impact Garage Door

If you think all garage doors are alike, think again. Some 80 percent of hurricane damage starts when wind blows in through the garage door. Wind-rated impact garage doors can protect against storm winds and debris damage and prevent a buildup of internal pressure that—unchecked—could even blow out the roof of your home.

Impact Screens

Since Floridians practically live in their lanais, screened porches and pool enclosures, protecting those spaces with impact screens offers another way to prepare for a major storm. Impact screens are transparent, lightweight and strong, and offer protection from wind-driven rain and flying debris.

Landscaping

Besides improving curb appeal, regular landscaping can provide an effective tool to boost storm safety. Prune trees and bushes surrounding your house, pick up loose palm fronds and coconuts and be sure to remove potential fallen limbs and trees that can hit the exterior of your home.

Simply by increasing the beauty of your outdoor space, you can improve its safety—and value. That’s a “win-wind” during hurricane season and all throughout the year.

Parental Resolution: Map Your Future

By Barbara Browned for Parenting Matters

One of my favorite parenting group activities is asking parents to imagine that it is 20 years into the future: “You are in a grocery store and meet the parent of a child your child went to kindergarten with 20 years ago. Both are now grown. The other parent asks about your child.” Then l ask parents: “What do you want to be able to say? What words do you want to be able to use to describe your child as an adult?”

Parents typically reply with a variety of touching and positive descriptors, from “independent” and “drug free” to “kind” and “healthy.” (In recent years, I frequently hear “not living at home” -followed by sympathetic chuckles!)

Continuing the exercise, I suggest to parents that they think of these qualities as their long-term parenting goals, and in order to accomplish them, their daily parenting behaviors need to focus on developing these traits. l ask them to think about “parenting with the end in mind” – to focus on what they want the end product of their parenting to be like and use that as a guide for their parenting strategies and methods.

Questions parents could ponder might be: “What do I value? How am I developing that trait in my child today?”

For example, if you want a responsible child, begin early to develop responsibility by allowing the child (even a young one) to “practice” by being allowed responsibility for chores, pet care, the condition of their own toys or rooms. They will need to take on more as they grow so they become comfortable with responsibility and good at it BEFORE they reach adulthood. (One thing for sure, no one magically becomes responsible at age 21!)

Another part to this is that a parent must also teach the results of irresponsibility by providing consequences and outcomes for undesired actions, and step back so kids experience those outcomes. If a child loses homework that was not put safely away, he must suffer the consequence. This is how learning takes place. If a parent bails the child out by writing an excuse or helping re-create the paper, what will the child learn about taking care of things?

“Parenting with the end in mind” challenges the thinking of the parent who wants an honest adult child but announces that 3-year-old Ryan is “2 when we go to the movies.”

Planning for the end of parenting also questions the effectiveness of the parent who values independence, but will not allow the child to have his own opinions or choice of friends, or values kindness while calling people names or mocking people.

Hopefully, the words you use to describe a “child of your dreams” today will, for the most part, describe your own grown-up child in the future (who is living where you want them to).

How I'm Raising a Confident, Independent Toddler

By Christina for Christina All Day

want my toddler Julianna to be responsible, confident, and independent. I’m not always there to help her in situations when she needs to stick up for herself or ask for something, so I’m teaching her how to do it herself now. It’s not always easy. It’s not always fun. Sometimes these lessons turn into major meltdowns, but I just keep reminding myself of the end goal.

Also, I want to make sure I am helping her and not enabling her. FYI – Helping is when you do something for someone who cannot do it herself and enabling is when you do something for someone who is very capable of doing it herself. The real world does not enable and it’s never too early to learn that. If not, when she gets older, she is going to be a real pain in the you know what to people around her. So, this is how I’m raising a confident, independent toddler… or trying to at least.

1) If she wants something, she will ask for it herself

This started at Publix with the cookies. (For those of you not in the South, Publix is our grocery store that hands out a free cookie to kids at the bakery.) As soon as she could put two words together, she would ask for one herself. “Cookie, please.” At first, she would say it quietly while looking down. Now, while standing and looking at the employee, she says loudly, “May I have a cookie please?” When we go to restaurants, she orders for herself too.

2) She can physically do things herself

It may take a hell of a lot longer this way, but I think it works. When she doesn’t think she can do things, then she does – the look at achievement on her face says it all. Sometimes she picks out her own outfit. Sometimes I do. Usually, I will leave her with it to dress herself and tell her if she needs any help to just ask me and I will help her. It’s the longest change of clothes you will ever witness, but she gets it done and she is proud of herself for doing it. When she struggles, she cries. That’s when I remind her to just ask for what she wants – help. She can get in her car seat and buckle herself in, go to the bathroom by herself (not in public obviously), brush her teeth on her own, and if she can haul all of her toys out of every nook and cranny they are shoved in, you better believe she can put them back.

3) She gives things to other little girls who need them

When she would watch me retire her old clothes, she would get upset. Then I explained to her she isn’t going to use them anymore and other people need them. She really grasped this concept when we gave some clothes and toys to another little girl who lost all of hers in a fire. This was a mixture of not only explaining, but letting her choose which toys she wanted to give away. I reminded her she was being very nice and doing such a good thing for someone else. (Then, she got a little crazy and started grabbing my things (like my car keys) to give away.) Now, she knows that if she wants more toys, we have to clean up some of what she already has and give them to other kids who would like them. There is no reason for her to have everything she has at her age, but I blame the grandparents.

4) I let her help me

Partly, because I need help, but more importantly – it makes her feel valued when she helps me… even if it isn’t really all that helpful. When we go grocery shopping, I will have her hold my list or grab something for me. I will ask her to bring me a napkin or tell her I need her to help me plant flowers to make the backyard look beautiful. This makes her feel important and that her help is valuable.

5) I talk to her about feelings, like an adult

This is how we handle tantrums in general. Kids cry and throw fits because that’s how they communicate. Sometimes, I ignore it. Hey, a three-year-old doesn’t always want to talk about her feelings, and sometimes they just want attention… and that does not get my attention. (Well, it does. I just pretend it doesn’t.) Instead, if we sit down and talk, I think it makes her feel like an “important adult” because it’s what she sees us do. She will know we are listening and paying attention to her when her behavior warrants it – in a “talk about your feelings” atmosphere. That’s what gets attention, so that’s how she will behave. Eventually. Hopefully.

5 Things to Love about the Palm Beach Zoo

By Christina for Christina All Day

When my parents from Ohio visit, I’m always on the hunt to find some family friendly activities we can do outside. Spending the day at the Palm Beach Zoo is a no brainer!

Not only did we have so much fun, but I was pretty impressed with a few things the zoo had to offer.

1. The Palm Beach Zoo layout

For a person who likes to be efficient, there is no better design. As soon as you walk in, there is a fountain for kids to play in the center, then all around the fountain, are what I call petals to a flower. Each one is so easy to navigate, making it possible to visit the four sections of the zoo without overlapping, backtracking, or missing a thing!

2. The cleanliness at the Palm Beach Zoo

You’d think a place full of animals and people would be dirty… but it’s not! This place is as clean as Disney World. I was really impressed with how nice, new, and neat everything looked! It was so easy to find a place to sit and watch the monkeys… or in Landon’s case, read about a bear named Corduroy.

3. The other stuff at the Palm Beach Zoo

Yes, the animals are great, but my kids love a carousel and train ride too! It’s nice to take a break and do something else. This little area in the Florida section by the American flamingos and Mardi the white alligator is perfect!

4. The food at the Palm Beach Zoo

Remember when I mentioned how great the layout of the zoo was?

Well, Tropic Cafe and Concessions is located very conveniently halfway through your zoo visit – whether you walk in and start to the right or the left. When you’ve reached the halfway point, you will have lots of options for food.

This area looks so nice too. The decor reminds me of Hollywood Studios at Disney World.

5. The animals at the Palm Beach Zoo

After all, that’s why we visit!

3 Romantic Places to Propose in the Caribbean

By Kara Franker for karafranker.com

Already have the sweetheart and the ring? Discover three unique sites in the Caribbean for an unforgettable proposal.

Whether on a secluded island, magical colonial city or stunning rooftop bar, finding the best places to propose is as easy as making plans for a romantic Caribbean getaway.

ST. KITTS

When it comes to combining romance with a thrilling experience, 2,800 feet above sea level is the perfect place to bend the knee and pop the question. Offering dramatic seascapes and recognized as the highest peak in St. Kitts, Mount Liamuiga’s rugged hiking adventure offers unparalleled scenic opportunities packed with enough passion to pretty much guarantee the right answer. Guided tours to the summit are readily available starting from Belmont Estate in St. Pauls. After a day of unforgettable exploration, renew your body and mind at the St. Kitts Marriott Resort & The Royal Beach Casino spa, offering luxurious couple massages, facials and more. Or experience a homelike stay in one of the resort’s spacious rooms and suites, many of which provide captivating beach views.

If you go: Rooms at St. Kitts Marriott Resort & The Royal Beach Casino start at $359 per night and Mount Liamuiga Volcano hike starts at $90 per adult

BONAIRE 

How about proposing to that special someone while surrounded by colorful coral reefs and pink flamingos? Courtyard by Marriott Bonaire is a PADI 5 Star IDC Dive Center catering to divers of every skill level. With the resort’s expert staff, travelers are just a door step away from their unlimited Bonaire diving adventure. Bonaire’s warm turquoise waters are ideal for an underwater marriage proposal. From making custom marriage proposal signs to coordinating the logistics of a truly wonderful experience surprise, the resort’s professional dive team can assist with creating the perfect scenario for an underwater engagement.

If you go: A Dive certification is not required to participate, short classroom sessions are offered for first time divers with a PADI Dive Professional. Rooms at Courtyard by Marriott Bonaire start at $161 per night and the Discover Scuba Dive private experience is $240.

SANTO DOMINGO

Travelers wanting to step outside the box and surprise their loved one with an exclusive marriage proposal must consider scenery, ambiance and the element of surprise. Vertygo 101 Lounge & Bar, JW Marriott Hotel Santo Domingo’s trendiest bar, sits 101 feet above the bustling Winston Churchill Avenue, and has it all, from a professional concierge who can arrange any details—stunning flowers, the perfect wine, the most private table—to the best city skyline and sunset for getting down on one knee against the orange hues rising above the horizon. If there is a perfect city to find a romantic spot, it is Santo Domingo offering white-sand beaches, a charming colonial zone and delicious food.

If you go: Rooms at JW Marriott Hotel Santo Domingo start at $239 per night and a bottle of Dom Perignon Brut Champagne is $520.

Most Common Parenting Mistakes

By Mike Leary for Fatherly

I have seen so many good intentions go horribly wrong over the years that can result in self-harm, suicide and, in extreme cases, even murder. Here are some of the most common mistakes that can be really harmful to kids.

1. Giving Them Too Many Choices
Many parents think children always should have endless choices, when the reality is kids can be overwhelmed if they’re always given so many options.

2. Praising Them For Everything They Do
It’s very common now to see kids who are almost junkies for praise. They won’t do anything unless there is a payoff for them.

3. Trying To Make The Child Happy
Their job is to learn to make themselves happy, and you can never force a child to be happy.

4. Overindulging Them
They will almost always end up believing acquisitions lead to happiness. This sets up chasing the never-satisfying carrots, and can result in addictions and compulsions.

5. Keeping Them Too Busy
Most commonly with sports. Many parents wrongly believe “activities” will keep their kid out of trouble, but often times this will lead to the child being burned out or even becoming a bully.

6. Thinking Smart Will Save Them
It can be tempting for parents to promote smart as the end-all-be-all. Yet this can lead to a child becoming arrogant, thinking everyone else is stupid or secretly believe that they have to put on an act and are a fraud. As a result, nobody likes them.

7. Thinking A Strict Religion Will Give Them Perfect Values And Save Them
The first time they see hypocrisy in their parents or the touted beloved leaders, the house of cards start to fall.

8. Withholding Common Information About Important Topics — Like Sex
Many parents are terrified of talking about sex, and believe avoiding discussing it with their children will save them. But I’ve seen 13-year-old girls get pregnant, sometimes just to flaunt it at their parents.

9. Being Hyper-Critical Of The Child’s Mistakes
It can be easy to assume intense scrutiny promotes success and makes kids better. But kids raised this way are driven to perfection in everything from looks, likability, sports, smarts, or you name it. When a mistake happens, they are worthless as a human being and start getting so angry that in some cases they will resort to self-harm even to the point of suicide.

10. Using Shame, Shunning, Or Threats
Never imply that there is a chance you might not love your child due to their actions, as some parents do so in order to get their kids to achieve compliance. It is a short term gain with abandonment lurking in the shadows. Then the child doesn’t care either.

11. Making Kids Do Things Inappropriate For Their Age
I have 3 patients right now who, by age 4, were having to feed themselves and or had to be in charge of a sibling also. I’ve seen many who didn’t have children of their own because as they all said; “I raised my family.”

12. Not Limiting Screen Time
Whether it’s TV, video, games, phone or texting. I know a family where the mom and teenage son text each other constantly and no one else can get into their relationship link.

13. Not Letting Kids Get Bored
Some parents think children are supposed to be stimulated at all times and it’s their job to avoid boredom. Then kids don’t learn to be creative and find the way out of boredom in themselves.

14. Protecting Kids From Their Own Consequences And Loss
I see parents with good intentions get their kids everything, from a simple toy to buying them out of legal trouble, and suddenly are surprised when the child respects nothing. All of us need to learn losing is just another way to gain wisdom and experience about what not to do.

15. Not Letting Kids Play Dangerously
The Forest Kindergarten schools have shown the children get sick less, are more well adjusted and also get along better than their regulated indoor peers.

16. Not Debriefing Kids At Bed Time
“What happened today?” Children sleep better and feel loved when the parent shows an interest in what happened that was significant to them in their own lives.

17. Not Reading To Very Young Children
Reading requires the child to be still, be quiet, and use their imagination. All the things videos don’t. It prepares them for listening in school and being able to use their imagination for creativity and alternatives as a resource.

18. Pulling Pacifiers Too Soon
Parents know the pacifier is an outward symbol of insecurity, so they tend to take it away as soon as they can, instead of getting the child secure where it would drop-out naturally. I have adult patients who secretly suck their thumbs.

19. Not Regulating Food
And especially inquiring: “Are you full?” When this happens, typically your kid will load the plate again. That is an old survival program from our heritage as scarcity, when food was not available. Kids then chase a full-filled sensation, not understanding each time you fill yourself, your stomach adapts to that as normal and expands.

20. Spanking Children Older Than 5
Parents think it will teach them to be good, but using corporal punishment never works as well as love. I see all kinds of patients where the concept of ‘Spare the rod-spoil the child’ was anything but. No spoiling, just oppositional, angry, bullying, deceiving, fearful or performing automatons.